I was born out of a rape on November 7, 1969, into a cult in the creepy and corrupt town of Goshen, Indiana. It is a couple of hours from Chicago and an hour from the University of Notre Dame. The town was inhabited by the Freemasons, KKK, Hell's Angels, and other Religious Cults during the 1970's & 80's. I am a survivor of Intergenerational Incest on both sides of the family tree. Our family lived on a small secluded farm next to Fidler's gravel pit. My father (raised Amish) was violent, sadistic, an alcoholic, and extremely mentally ill. My mother (raised Mennonite) was nonprotective and wouldn't allow me to invite other children over to the house, for fear my father would sexually abuse them as well. I survived horrible, sadistic, sexual abuse at the hands of my father who was both a monster and the devil. This would cause me to be brainwashed and dissociated throughout my childhood and teen years. I was easy prey and further victimized by adults that were pedophiles in the community that had this knowledge.
I am also a survivor of Ritual Abuse Torture, where I was a victim of child trafficking and child pornography by family members, other relatives, and other adults in Elkhart County, Indiana. This includes the Boy Scouts, 4H, Little League Baseball (my uniform was sponsored by the Fraternal Order of Police), The Goshen Parks & Recreation Department, various teachers and coaches at Waterford Elementary School, Towncrest Junior High School, and Goshen High School. The athletics department at Goshen High School had multiple perpetrators involved both within and outside the high school.
The town I grew up in was mainly all white, non-Jewish, and evoked toxic masculinity. Athletics, winning, trophies, football, and basketball games, were a big deal. The town didn't like people that were weak and different. It wasn't ok to be gay and I was called "fag" or "faggot" many times by my peers at school or physically punched. The statute of limitations in Indiana is only two years, so all the individuals and families involved in my abuse got away with everything. There is no recourse for me to get compensated by the State of Indiana, to have any of my perpetrators serve any time in prison, or for them to be registered as sex offenders.
My pediatrician, the Goshen Police Department, the county District Attorney, various businesses, and the mayor were all corrupt, and allowed the trafficking of children and minors in these pedophile rings to exist and do business. I am still missing a lot of trauma memories and don't know the extent of the crimes to myself and other children (Bashor Home for Boys, "ghost children", etc.) that were involved at that time, or who all was involved. Some of the businesses I was trafficked out of include: Holiday Inn, Carpet Time, a Purina feed mill, a Farm Co-op, and various other factories, businesses, and farms in Elkhart County. This was back before the internet and dark web, when missing children were simply pictured on the side of a milk carton. I am no longer in touch with any blood relative as I don't know who was all in on having me trafficked or were complacent in allowing it to happen to me.
I was never allowed to properly develop as a child, teenager, or young adult. I wasn't able to have a successful career or create my own family. I've struggled throughout my adult life with drugs, alcohol, and other addictions. Although I am no longer sexually active, I identify as a gay male. Some of my artwork is colorful and evokes beauty. Some of it is fantasy and displays my sexual confusion from childhood through my adult life. Some of my artwork is dark and reflects the Complex PTSD I have as a result of surviving all this evil and terror from my childhood. I have an anger towards any God and all the perpetrators in that shithole town I grew up in (along with the wives that stood by these male perpetrators). I have an intense fear of death, otherwise I would have committed suicide long ago. Looking back on my life, it wasn't worth surviving my childhood. As survivors, we have to live out our lives haunted by the trauma memories that are trapped in our brains. I am baffled as to why that Podunk town of Goshen was allowed to get away with so many atrocities against children, minors, and young adults in that era. The FBI and the State of Indiana didn't care, still don't care, and it's absolutely disgusting. There were many questionable deaths and missing persons in the past that were never solved or are made public online as open cold cases from Elkhart County, Indiana.
I have received trauma therapy, using CBT & DBT techniques, which have helped alleviate some of my trauma symptoms. Complex PTSD isn't recognized yet in America, nor is non-state torture recognized or studied to be able to properly help adult survivors of repressed trauma. I have nobody to bury me when I die. My only pleasures in life are my dog, creating artwork, and being out in nature.
Tim Ray Fisher
©2021 by Tim Ray Fisher. Proudly created with Wix.com